I just recently came clean to my family about being addicted to pain medication. I have a new therapist and am supposed to start group therapy next week. Truth is, I am not sure I am ready for the help. I came clean because for a moment, I thought I was ready to start my journey to getting sober. I am a very high functioning addict and have a 7.5 month old daughter to take care of. As badly as I should take this as an 'out' because I have a strong support system, I have no idea what to do now because not wanting to get clean has become my new secret.
I fell in love with my best friend's husband. We carried on a short but beautiful relationship before agreeing to stop. I have suffered so much shame over this that I still haven't allowed myself to grieve the loss. What we had felt like magic. I have never felt so seen, heard, understood, and loved just as I am. We stopped because we couldn't continue, we knew it could only end badly. We did not want to wreck his home. He was unhappy but still loved her, and I did not want to hurt her either. As far as we know she has no idea, and he and I are back to being friends. I feel sad to have fucked up like that, I feel like a sick monster. I am also scared I will never find another partner like him.
My ex-husband was released from prison about a year and a half ago. He has no family and no support. I've been sending money and supplies, paying his rent and medical expenses. My husband doesn't know and would not understand. He would be furious. The only reason I'm able to help is because I had help when I was released 13 years ago. I have to do be there for him the way others were there for me. I wish I could share this with my husband.