Ronnie

Ronnie

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Nashville, TN

Ronnie: My mom became a real bad alcoholic. She had a set of twins, one had webbed fingers and the other had cerebral palsy. It tore my mom and dad up. They was always having to take the one with cerebral palsy to the hospital and everything.

One time  the little brother with cerebral palsy  crapped on the floor. Cause with cerebral palsy you can't get up. He was in a wheelchair. My dad come home and got drunk and my mom kept telling him she wanted him to punish my little brother. So my dad got pissed off and he went down into the basement, turned the water up as high as it could go and put him in the bathtub, turned the water on. I don't think my dad realized what he'd done, but when he closed the door he just walked away.

I took off running and went to the nextdoor neighbors and nobody... I couldn't find nobody. my brother had crazy bubbles on his back, like real bad burns. I was little man, I was only six years old. Wasn't nothing I could do about it. Some of them screams that I heard from my little brother just don't go away.

[My brothers] got adopted out and I grew up in a foster home on a tobacco farm in Kentucky from the time I was 7 to 18.

BW: Do you have any issues now you have to deal with because of all that?

Ronnie: I mean, I have addiction problems. I'm always [wanting] to escape reality. You  just don't wanna do nothing no more. You just don't feel worthy of God's love. You don't want nothing to do with life.

So... I just relapsed a few days ago and I got kicked out of my [treatment facility] and I can't go back till the middle of next week.

Ronnie: When I was 14 years old, man, I heard Teen Spirit  and there was just something about Kurt Cobain that I fell in love with. I learned really fast how to play the guitar. My social worker taught me that first song Wildwood Flower and uh, I took off man. 

I keep in contact with my dad a little bit cause he's real soft spoken now. He can't even raise his voice up. He don't even like being around me a lot cause it's like he lives with that guilt.

And I told him, I said I forgive you. It's just you weren't in the right state of mind back then and I can't keep going on living like this, wishing you were dead, you know what I mean because It's driving me crazy. I love you, I love my dad.

 

 

 

 

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