BW: How did you get started using heroin?
Tory: I’ve been on it for four years. My ex-boyfriend put me on heroin.
BW: But how did it happen?
Tory: We were dating and he had been on it. He just introduced me to it and I ended up liking it. After liking it, my body became addicted to it. Now I need it so I don’t get sick.
I used it on my own free will *tears*, but how could you possibly put someone that you care about on that shit? It’s very selfish, if someone does. You know? I wouldn’t do that to anyone.
It destroys your mind and you have to work ten times harder to get your mind back. You play yourself the whole time, thinking that your mind’s still the same. But you’re really in a delusion. It’s very selfish, when you do drugs.
BW: You mentioned that you have two children. Do you think your addiction affects your kids?
Tory: I know it does *tears*… Like right now I’m supposed to be checking myself into treatment.
BW: Huh… Why don’t we just go now? It’s no coincidence that I show up today and am willing to take you. This is your chance.
Tory: …OK. I’ll do it.
— — —
BW: What’s the scariest part about going to treatment?
Tory: Just not being able to do drugs. Know what I mean? Sometimes it’s stronger than my will and my want to stop. Even though… *tears* at the end of the day, you don’t really know what you’re chasing. Like, right now I just keep thinking about one more hit. But I’ll never get there. I’ll always just want one more hit.
— we pulled over before we got to the treatment center —
Tory: Can I push my stem and hit it one more time while we’re here?
BW: You can do whatever you want.
— — —
Tory: Do you think you could help me write my own book?
BW: I’ll help you in any way that I can. What do you want to do?
Tory: I want to write a book about my life. How I went from the “it” girl to an addict.
We stopped and picked up some notebooks so she could start writing her story. When I left her at the facility, she was rapidly jotting it all down. I hope to see her book someday or even just hear that things are better.