Nick: My mom had an addiction to cocaine. They actually let her out of jail because she was pregnant with me. She left me with some babysitters when I was about 18 months old and told them that she was going to the hospital and never came back. So, they took me to an orphanage or whatever. I was adopted by two Christian people when I was like 3. They’re really good people. They love me. At this point, they’re sick and they’re older and they really don’t want me around because of my addiction.
BW: When did you find out you were adopted?
Nick: I was probably 8 or 9. My mom came in there while I was taking a bath and sat on the side of the tub and told me. At the time it didn’t really bother me. It didn’t really mean that much to me. As I got older it bothered me more.
BW: Did you ever try to find your real mom?
Nick: No no no.
BW: You aren’t curious?
Nick: Yeah, I am. I just… I don’t know.
BW: If you could tell your real mom anything, what would you tell her?
Nick: Phew man… I’d probably… man that’s a hard one.
BW: Do you think you’d be pissed? Do you think you’d be more sympathetic of her addiction because of your own addiction?
Nick: I mean, I feel like I was an addict before I ever did drugs.
BW: You think you were born addicted, with drugs in your system?
Nick: Yeah, I definitely think so. I don’t know it to be fact but I’m pretty sure she was using with me while she was pregnant. I always had a strong curiosity about drugs before I even tried anything.
BW: How did you start using heroin?
Nick: I started in 2000, me and my girlfriend decided to get off of meth. We locked ourselves in our apartment and we slept for 2 or 3 days. When I woke up, I turned my cell phone on and immediately it was ringing. It was a friend of mine who’d been trying to get a hold of me. I told him that we were gonna quit. He said, “I got something for you to make you feel better.” I said, “what’s that?” He said “Oxycontin.”
So, he comes over and he has this bag full of white powder. I asked him where the pills were and he said that he’d already crushed them up and that they were the powder. I snorted a little line of it and I knew within 10 minutes that it was something else. It just hit me so hard. That was the first time I did heroin and I haven’t stopped since.
I don’t think I’ll ever quit doing opiates. I just… I just don’t see myself quitting.