Tiffany: I used to be mean, have a bad attitude, which, I still kinda got my attitude. It takes time. I used to have a bad attitude because, I don’t know. I was molested by my granddaddy and I grew up being very disrespectful and disobedient to my parents. I guess ‘cause I hated my granddaddy for so long.
Every time somebody spoke of him I felt something. I felt some type of animosity towards him. I never knew why I felt hatred towards this man. When he called I brushed him off. You know the crazy part about it? I only found out that he did it like, four years ago.
BW: Oh, you didn’t know?
Tiffany: I overheard it in a conversation. I came home from school one day. My mom was talking to this lady. They didn’t know I was home. I overheard her telling my grandma that she thinks that’s why I hate him, because he molested me. I never knew ‘til she said it.
He went to jail when I was seven and I never saw him after that. He died like 2 years ago. He was ate up with cancer. They told us to call the family into hospice. My mom was like, “Are you going?” and I’m like, “Are you serious?” So everybody left the hospice and something kept eating at me. I stood in the parking lot for like 3 hours debating on whether to go in and see this man.
I was scared but I went in. He was sleeping and I just looked at him. I couldn’t cry. I don’t know why but, I just couldn’t cry. But I was hurt, you know? This is my blood. This is my granddaddy. I looked at him and he turned around. I could tell that he wanted to say something. I don’t know if he was trying to tell me he was sorry or what.
I walked out an hour later then my mom called me and told me he was dead.
BW: Are you sorry that that’s how it ended? Or do you feel like…
Tiffany: You know, it may sound selfish but I’m not sorry. And that’s what my husband thinks my problem is, because I haven’t forgave him and everybody’s, “Oh, you need to forgive, you need to forgive.” How in the fuck are you supposed to forgive somebody like that? It’s hard to forgive somebody that… I mean, come on, you my granddaddy, you my… my blood. You the reason my mom’s here. You the reason why I’m here. You understand what I’m sayin’? But I mean, a lot of people think that’s my problem, I haven’t forgave him.
BW: What would you tell him if you could tell him anything? Or did you already finish? Are you done?
Tiffany: I hate him… Because I have a little girl now. I have a 9 month old. I would bury somebody. I won’t tolerate it. I won’t. I don’t want her to go through what I did. You know what I’m sayin’.